Unlearning 101

Question: Can You Unlearn Without Any New Words? Answer: Yes.

Want to get started unlearning? A while back, I suggested it could be done in seven words. It's still solid advice but I have continued to unlearn myself and how believe it can be done without any new words.

Rather than explain, let me show you. Review the two examples below and notice how much powerful the second questions are than the first--even though no new words have been added or subtracted only rearranged).

Example 1 (Appropriate for teachers, parents and educators):

How intelligent are you?

How are you intelligent?

Example 2 (Appropriate for everyone):

Will I make a difference?

I will make a difference!

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A Powerful Question: What Don't I Know?

Don't Close Your Mind: Always Question Your Assumptions

“We’re going to have to make a lot of different assumptions,” says the head of one large publishing house in this article discussing the imminent demise of Border’s — one of the world’s large bookstores.

The individual is, of course, correct but the real question is why he (or she) didn’t begin questioning his assumptions years ago.

One of the critical skills of the future will be unlearning and an integral component of unlearning is the willingness and ability to always question your assumptions. (If you’re interested in how to unlearn I encourage you to pick up a copy of my new book, Higher Unlearning: 39 Post-Requisite Lessons for Achieving a Successful Future.)

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If It Goes Without Saying, Question It

 

Keep an Open-Mind to Unlearning

Are you open-minded?

If so, when was the last time you changed your mind about a long-held belief?

When was the last time you publicly admitted you were wrong?

When was the last time you acknowledged that another person could look at the exact same thing and come to an equally valid -- but opposite -- conclusion?

When was the last time you asked yourself this question: What if I'm wrong?

Keeping an open-mind isn't just about staying open to new ideas and learning new things; the other (and harder) half of keeping an open mind is a relentless willingness to discard and unlearn those things that you think you already know.

Non-Pleasure for Pleasure's Sake

I am currently reading William Irvine's book, A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy and stumbled across this paradoxical -- or, at least, counter-intuitive -- idea: Denying yourself pleasure can lead to pleasure.

How?

Consider eating an ice cream cone or, perhaps, a pleasant dessert. Undoubtedly, such an experience would be pleasurable. What people often forget is that the opposite may also be true. In the case of not eating ice cream or dessert it is possible that you may also experience pleasure by being pleased with yourself for showing self-constraint.

A Positive Spin on Negative Emotions

Have you ever considered that true happiness isn't found in the accumulation of more positive emotional experiences -- such as buying a new pair of shoes, taking a cool vacation, buying a new car, securing a better job or finding a more attractive partner -- but rather in the simple act letting go of the negative emotions of anger, anxiety, fear, greed, grief, envy and jealousy?

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Shop in Reverse

Next time you need to go shopping for a new wardrobe, try this little trick: Shop in reverse. Instead of buying the most expensive item first (say a suit or a dress), buy the least expensive item first (i.e. socks or underwear).

Why? It might save you some money.

It is a well-known fact that if you pay a lot of money for a suit or a dress, the sales associate can more easily "upsell" you on lesser items such as shirts, shoes, socks and underwear.

If, however, you reverse the process and buy the most inexpensive first you are less likely to spend as liberally on the bigger ticket items.

Think of it this way: It is easier to spend $40 on socks after you have just spent $1000 on a suit. It is much more difficult to be lured into a $1000 suit if you only spent $10 on socks.

The Key to a Successful Marriage? Maybe a Little Spark.

Maybe the key to a successful marriage isn't knowing your spouse so well you can finish his/her sentences but, instead, encouraging them to pursue new passions so that they will continue to speak in sentences you can't finish. 

Sometimes, all it takes to keep an old flame going is a little spark.

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Spot the Difference and Unlearn

A Woman Without Her Man is Nothing

Spot the Difference ... and Unlearn

Is there a fly in your soup or does your soup have a fly in it? Is there a tiger in the jungle or does a jungle have a tiger in it?

As I have said before, these questions might seem of minor importance but they can have real implications -- as I discussed in this old post.

In this same spirit, I'd like to provide another example. Last night, I noticed that a spoon hadn't been properly rinsed and, after being washed and placed back in the drawer, it still had a tiny chunk of crusty food attached to it. In a dissatisfied tone, I pointed this out to my wife. She retorted that I had failed to notice that she had also just cleaned the entire kitchen.

In other words, I noticed a dirty spoon in an otherwise spotless kitchen whereas, from her perspective, the spotless kitchen had a dirty spoon.

The difference is significant. In my case, I focused on the small item first and ignored the bigger picture. My wife, on the other hand, was more focused on the big picture and had placed the small item (i.e. the spoon) in its more proper context.

I'm not implying that the ability to spot the difference is the key to a strong and healthy marriage but it can't hurt.

P.S. For the record, I am a thoroughly modern man and do my fair share of cleaning around the house.

 

 

A Playground for Kids 2 to 102

I recently came across a sign similar to the one to the right. You know what I'd like to see? A sign encouraging people to keep playing as they continue to age. Instead of thinking -- and acting -- like an adult, I believe we need to think more like children. To do this it might sometimes help to have a reminder that it is still OK to play. 

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Change Your Situation? Change Your Answer to This Question

If you want to change your situation, change your answer to this question: Am I in charge of this situation or is this situation in charge of me?